Though it’s been awhile since I’ve posted on here, my writing has not been on the wayside. In fact, I’d say this past year has been one of my most productive in a long time! It’s just been more productive in a editing vs. writing way.

A week ago I found myself sitting in a hotel room by myself pouring my heart out to God and feeling His presence and love.

There’s a Christian writer’s conference called Realm Makers that my husband and I attended online a couple times. We greatly enjoyed the talks and speakers, but there was definitely the “people” aspect that we were missing out on. This year a friend of mine wanted to go in-person and asked if I’d come along. After talking it over with my husband and working out childcare I found myself on a 17+ hour road trip to St. Louis, Missouri!

We stopped at this beautiful hotel in Ohio along the way:

And visited the Ark Encounter:

Until we ended up in Missouri looking like this:

Well, we didn’t look like that when we arrived, but sometime afterwards we did when we attended the Realm Awards.

The missing element of “people” was definitely filled when I found myself surrounded by unapologetically Christian writers and creators. In the elevators, at tables, in the vendor hall; everyone was eager to talk “shop,” encourage, and pray.

There I was, standing in a crowd with a book I’ve poured so much of my time and self into. A book I’ve spent a year editing to pieces, pieces that hopefully fit back together into a coherent, thought-provoking story. And… I was undecided.

Is my book good enough to publish? Is it an accurate representation of my craft when I wrote it at such a young age and long ago? Should I shelf it sadly as the beginning but not the end of my writing career? As a learning experience I, hopefully, learned from?

Or… is it a story that someone will enjoy as much as I did? Is it a story that glorifies my God and He inspired me to write? Is it a story He wants me to publish?

So I prayed two things:

1. He would make me brave
2. He’d make it clear what I should do with my manuscript

And He did.

What started out as me reluctantly agreeing to pitch my book to one publisher turned into five pitches and requests from them for chapters and, in some cases, full manuscripts.

I went to my hotel room and cried. Being a writer is tied up in my personality because the desire to tell stories began as I was forming an opinion of myself, my world, and my God at only twelve years old.

I’ve asked God so many times:

“Why have you burdened and gifted me with a desire to tell stories if You don’t want me to use it?”

In that moment, in a hotel room alone with my Creator, through the positive reception by editors and publishers, I felt Him acknowledge my longing. He formed my brain and poured curiosity, wonder, and desire for “other” into it. I can only prosper if I let go of myself and trust who He made me to be. I’m not sure what He’s planning to use my brain and stories for yet, but I do know that God answers prayer:

1. He made me brave
2. He told me I shouldn’t give up on “Silver Blood.”

God knows the fragile state of my heart and didn’t crush it.

I want to urge you to take your wants, desires, and longings and place them into the hands of the God who loves you.